Wednesday, October 20, 2010

On Life

Thank you Goddess for the day you have blessed me with. I thank you for giving me the inspiration to fulfill a story, the courage to look up to the day, and the strength to remain loyal to my plans. I'm sorry if I skipped some opportunity, and I beg that you give me another chance sometime, and the strength with it, so that I not let it go. I thank you goddess for this day of life, for the early morning, the innate happiness, the unwavering eagerness and the ultimate compliance with the scheme you've devised, regardless of my feelings for it. I thank you also because you gave me the strength to bear with this disappointment, and because you gave me the awareness to understand that it wasn't my fault that I chose a bad spot to wait, but that I chose to wait to begin with. I ask that you forgive me for wasting my strength, such a precious gift, and I ask that you forgive me for not doing what you asked of me, what I've been craving for quite a while now.

Today was the day to come out to the person I like. I let the chance go because I opted to wait when I should have been hunting him down.

On another note: I finished yet another ending for my dearies Marc and Dennis, they have such complicated lives... I started with a sweet scene, but couldn't hold onto my sweet desires, ultimately leading into a chaos. Unlike the first devised ending, this one is factual and it's beginning to ramble. I like it, because it shows a part of my skill as a writer I didn't know, but I don't want to post any endings yet, not until I get my happy ending for them. I will try to complete the tragedy before heading into the lovely ending, but I promise nothing.
As for my other projects, they will have to hold on, I have to organize my life, and I really have to start doing something other than thinking. I might have to sacrifice my friends in order to advance, but I would rather not think pessimistically yet.

My life's been a waste lately... I've been attending classes that won't take me anywhere (mainly because they're not part of my career's plan). I've also been playing too much, and sleeping too much, and eating too much... And too many things too much... I just know that I need to go back to basics, but I don't know how to do so. For the first time, I think I might have to ask for a little help from external sources on leading my life back in track... I think I lack something, probably a specific goal, probably just a little shove up the hill, but the thing is that I feel lacking in something when it comes to my life.

Finally: My head's starting to clear up, I'm beginning to see a part of myself I didn't know, didn't think it was possible such a part existed. I guess life's a surprise, and we have to take it as it comes. :3 Nothing but move on and take this new aspect, turn it into yet another strength into which to tap when needed. Thank you Lil' dude and Pix, you gave me the lead into this discovery. I will sometime explain myself, but for now, I guess I better sort things out on my own. Maybe I should begin by not logging onto MSN every night? It could be the beginning of a new step in my life.
And crap, I hate some things about myself, things I didn't know I had, but things I've come to discover and things I have to fix, or at least find ways to cope with. I don't need any more hatred in my life, within me.

The wolf is in chaos, and you don't want to know where the granny went... I think that's yet another part of her on that stone... >.>
PS: Wolf says he's sorry he hasn't been publishing as often lately... He'll try to make some short stories for you... Then again, I doubt I actually have any readers... So maybe I'll just post 'em sometime and not worry about them being read... xD