Sunday, June 10, 2007

Fear, Pain and Death: Beginnings

Fear, Pain and Death... Part 1

What a threesome we have, don't we?

1-Fear: It may seem simple, but fear is beyond plain dislike and repulsion. Contorts our stomachs, makes our hair stand on end, makes us want to run, escape, makes us wish for death, makes us destroy... There's just so much to say about fear, and so little time to understand it all... Fear can make us die, or live: fear death and you love life, fear loneliness and you value friendship, fear darkness and you value light, fear
pain and you'll learn how to avoid it, fear God and you'll love him... So many things to say about fear, so much to learn, so little time...
CRAP... Fear can only make us APPEAR like we love, praise, admire, like or even learn, but IT CANNOT MAKE US REALLY DO THOSE THINGS...
You'll live a lie because you fear: Fear your parents and you'll do whatever they say just so you're cool with them, fear your friends and you'll try to impress them, fear society and you'll be a "model" citizen, fear love and you'll say you are stronger than feelings, fear pain and you'll suffer in your fear, you'll live in nightmares...
So, what's the point? Simple: FEAR is the opposite to HAPPINESS... What do I know about it? What does a death-loving person, a Necrophile, know about love, life and happiness... Just near everything: Because I tried to understand death, I learned that life is nice, that you can actually enjoy life, be happy; Because I tried to see death in a different way, I comprehended that no matter how much you do, no matter how many lies you create, how many faces you fake, death is TRUE, it does not lie, people don't "Half-Die", either you die or don't, but you don't place a foot on both sides; And finally, because I tried to change fear into knowledge, I understood that fearing death is pointless, instead of seeing it as the end, I understood that death is but a step in this endless life, in the endless circle of souls and lives that we all form, either because we're here, or because we're not...
Fear can be pointless to lead a life, but it can make us better if we learn from it, if we use it as a danger ward, without ever crossing the boundaries between fear to live and life to fear... I'll explain further what i mean... By now, I'm just beginning.

2-Pain: Another one, this one's one of the most renowned teachers, helpers and reminders. We learn not to do this because we know it hurts, we understand love because it hurt us, we love our husband/wife because we would be pained to live without them, we live because we hurt, life is pain, pain is life, experience is worth a million words...
Once again: CRAP...
If you hurt, it is NOT because you live, it's because you're stopping your life, either you're doing things in a bad way, you do what you must not, or you live a life that was never meant for you, you stole another person his or her place in the river of souls and now, the things that person can overcome are beyond your abilities, your capacity and your strength... Now I understand that this conception of pain is also CRAP...
Pain is there to remind you that you're not eternal, that you have to live up to yourself, forget about what people will say and start being who you are in truth, instead of suffering because you live a lie, smile because you live and change what makes you lie: You like money but you can't seem to get enough, try doing things a different way, try buying less and saving more, try working somewhere else, try to change the things you do to save money, and most important, try to see why MONEY is so important; People make your life a party, then make your people a party, why not be a little different, why not make things different, why not make people feel different? Costumes are cool, but being what you want to be while you see what others want to be, doing things you enjoy and helping others do their things too, can make things different... Pain is normally seen as CHANGE, but in truth, it is no more and no less than a warning from your soul that you are doing things you shouldn't be doing, or doing things that harm others, or BOTH...
Pain is complex, and I still don't understand why people fear pain so much, I do fear, and I do hurt, I'm human after all, but I don't see the reasons we have to fear pain SO MUCH, like, I don't really understand the panic and that...

3-And that lack of understanding leads us to point 3, Death: Gosh, finally the point i wanted to speak about... As I said before, I am a Necrophile, I like death and so, and even though I don't want to deal with dead people, I like its meaning, I like the mystery that surrounds it and more over, I like the way people avoid mentioning it, speaking about it, thinking about it and more... Death is a crude reality most of us don't want to face, it is a problem, a solution, everything, nothing, we live to die, we die because we live, we die, we live, and we all meet at the end, we come back from death to live forever, we don't come back from death, dead people don't talk, dead people talks, dead, death, die, doom, all those dark thoughts, they show how we see death, how we either embrace it, or repel it, how we fear, or love, suffer, and enjoy death...
As before: CRAP...
Some Philosophers said that death is nothing, and since it is nothing, we can say nothing about it, some said we live to die, some said we die because we need to rest, and so on... I don't think so...
Death seems like a solution to some people's problems, no matter how light, how simple, or how complex, how unbreakable, they seem, death is a solution to them all... To others, it just poses more problems, more things to deal with, more pain, or unlikely but possible, less pain, less trouble, less effectiveness and value...
I personally consider that death is a solution after everything else has failed, and that trying to die should be reconsidered as a means of defense, the very last one, of every living being... I might have wished for death, I might have not, that's not the point here, the point here is that no matter how many times we think about death, we analyze it, we interpret it, we write it, we bring it, we will never be able of understanding its whole sense, its power, its weakness and its reason...
Theologists find an answer to that by attributing it to the evil that human beings must suffer before they successfully reach their gods, deities and such... Philosophers consider many positions... I consider it differently, beyond its sense, reason, I try to understand its essence, its composition, why it comes from nothing, leads to nothing and will always be nothing... Death can be beautiful, but it can also be overwhelming and frightening, or painful, slow, swift, and so many other adjectives used to express its seemingly endless depth, its unique complexity, its strength, its reach and its justice...

Fear, Pain and Death... Three sisters bound to being human as flesh to bone... Maybe later I'll explain each separately, maybe I'll never really comprehend their intensity, maybe it's too early for me to understand so much... A couple thousand million years more and I will be ready to understand my sisters...

With love...
Darkness


Pd: Necrophile is used in a different way here, more to express my attraction to death and the emotions it evokes on persons than to express attraction to corpses (though cold things are attractive as long as they're not smelly)... And, I also thought that word had a different meaning, so, sorry if I went wrong...

Wulf... ^^

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